What might have been
by Nessa Ar-Feiniel
Summary: How things might have been different if Feanor had been more excepting of Fingolfin. Rated PG 13 due to suggestive prolouge, the rest of the fic should be clean.
1. Prolouge

Prologue: The Beginning of a Revelry 

WhenFeanaro found out that Indis was pregnant he was shocked. The wedding had been yesterday. The day before Ingwe had found Finwe and Indis "playing" in the hay. Feanaro was determined to have nothing to do with the female who had dared take his mother's place in his father's heart or her offspring. When Finwe asked Feanaro to attend the birth of this child he refused.

As the years progressed Feanaro ignored Fingolfin. No matter what he did to gain his older brother's affection or approval, nothing worked. Eventually Fingolfin gave up and began to hate his brother as much as his brother hated him. Melkor used this to set into motion a chain of events that would bring about much sorrow and cost many lives.


	2. posted sept 16, 2003

Chapter one: Brother's Adoration  
  
Feanaro stood looking at his Atar with a look of shook upon his face. He had to be hearing things. How could his Atar ask this of him!  
  
"This child will be your brother or sister," said Finwe.  
  
"Half brother or sister," corrected Feanaro.  
  
"Do this for your Atar," said a voice in his mind. The voice sounded a lot like his mothers. "He was a basket case when you were born."  
  
"I will do as you ask, Atar." said Feanaro. "I do this for your sake alone."  
  
Finwe sighed as he realized that this was the best he could expect from his first born. Finwe hugged him and thanked him.  
  
It was a beautiful spring day Indis had going into labor with her first child. Feanaro wanted to be outside but at the moment he was trying to prevent his Atar from wearing a groove in the floor.  
  
"Calm down" said Feanaro  
  
Finwe looked at his son "I am worried about her" he said  
  
"I know," said Feanaro. "And I know why. You're worried you'll loose her the way you lost Mother, am I correct?"  
  
Finwe stopped pacing and nodded  
  
"Sit down before you wear a groove in the floor, Atar," said Feanaro. Just then a baby's cry was heard. Finwe didn't need telling twice and went to Indis's side  
  
"Beloved, I am well," said Indis. "We have a son."  
  
Finwe smiled and leaned down to kiss her, then he smiled and placed a finger in his new sons hand. Feanaro's curiosity got the better of him as he peeked in at the screaming fuss budget.  
  
"Well he certainly has a health set of lungs," said Feanaro.  
  
"You did too" said Finwe.  
  
Feanaro blushed. Finwe picked the child up in his arms and cradled him  
  
"So what are you going to name the little fuss budget?" asked Feanaro.  
Finwe looked at Indis  
  
"How about Nolofinwe?" she said  
  
"So be it, his name will be Nolofinwe," said Finwe. "and will you stop calling him a Fuss budget" Finwe said to Feanaro as he handed the child to him. Nolofinwe stopped crying when he is put in Feanaro's arms  
  
"He likes me," he said.  
  
"Well of course he does" said Finwe "you are his older brother"  
  
"Maybe Little one would be more appropriate," said Feanaro.  
  
Finwe smiled at his oldest son, then turning to Indis. "You must be in need of rest" he said  
  
"I'll look after Nolofinwe for you," said Feanaro.  
  
Feanaro still didn't like Indis too much, but he adored his little brother. Finwe had been a little nervous about how Feanaro would treat his younger sibling, but seemed to relax, he tucked Indis in and kissed her eye lids. Feanaro held his brother protectively. Nolofinwe moved his little hands and yawned  
  
"No one will ever cause you harm, while I live and breathe, little one," said Feanaro.  
  
Nolofinwe took that as permission to sleep and closed his eyes. Feanaro sat in a rocking chair and sang elvish lullabies to him. Finwe came out of the room when Indis had fallen asleep and smiled at his two sons, one fast asleep with his tiny fists clenched and the other singing. As the years progressed, Finwe didn't have as much time for Nolofinwe as he wanted to. But that didn't seem to bother Nolofinwe because Feanaro seemed to fall into the role of parent very easily. Finwe had to chase off Feanaro just to have time with his second son. One such incident was when Nolofinwe was about three and Feanaro was helping him walk for the first time. Feanaro knew that his Atar not having much time for his brother, knew he still had time for something else.  
  
Feanaro was helping Nolofinwe stand up, "Alright little one even the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step," said Feanaro. "It's time for that step." Nolofinwe wasn't to sure about the whole idea but took a wobbly step anyway "Come on, Little one, I will not let you fall," said Feanaro. Nolofinwe smiled then took another step and the smile turned into a grin. "That's it soon you'll be walking on your own," said Feanaro. Nolofinwe fell onto his bottom and drooled with pure joy, he had done something really fun. Feanaro pulled his little brother in for a cuddle  
  
"I had better be careful or he will be calling you Atto," said Finwe  
"If you were around a little more..." said Feanaro.  
  
Finwe looked away "I know" he said quietly  
  
"Nolofinwe do you want to go to Atto?" asked Feanaro.  
  
Nolofinwe looked at Feanaro "Atto" he said  
  
"Him," said Feanaro pointing at Finwe. "He's Atto."  
  
Finwe knew that it was because of him, his youngest was not sure who Atto was. "You Atto" Nolofinwe said to Feanaro  
  
"No, I'm Feanaro,"  
  
"Atto!" insisted Nolofinwe  
  
"Feanaro," protested Feanaro  
  
"Atto"  
  
"Feanaro."  
  
Indis came in wondering what the commotion was all about  
  
"Please tell your son who his Atar is," said Feanaro.  
  
Indis pointed to Finwe "Atto" she said  
  
Fingolfin pointed to Feanaro and said, "No him Atto!" "I'm Feanor, not Atto." "I swear there is no arguing with a three year old elfling," said Feanor.  
  
Finwe shook his head  
  
Fingolfin pointed to Feanaro and said, "You're my Atto." Then he pointed to Finwe and said. "He's your Atto."  
  
"Ok now I am confused" said Finwe  
  
"No he's your Atto, I'm your brother," said Feanaro.  
  
"Well lets hope he knows who is amil is" said Indis  
  
Fingolfin pointed to Indis and said "Mamil!"  
  
Indis smiled. "Well at least thats one problem sorted" she said as she went and picked the elfling up  
  
"Why don't I leave the three of you alone," said Feanaro heading to the door. "I have some work to do."  
  
(Author's notes, For those of you who don't recognize the names or words, I'm trying to use the Quenyan words and names instead of the Sindaran.  
  
Feanaro: Feanor  
  
Nolofinwe: Fingolfin  
  
Atta: Dad  
  
Atar: Father  
  
Amil: Mother  
  
Mamil: Mom 


	3. posted oct 13, 2003

Chapter 2 Atto  
Finwe looked surprised, usually he had trouble getting Feanor to  
leave so he could spend time with his youngest son. Feanor slipped out  
of the room and headed for his work shop. Finwe sighed. Indis who had  
a fair idea why Feanor wanted to leave the room, shook her head sadly  
"Your son doesn't like being around me," said Indis.  
"I wonder why that is?" said Finwe thoughtfully "I will have to  
ask him that"  
Indis was cuddling her son hoping he wouldn't notice that  
someone had left. Fingolfin turned his head and noticed "Atto" was  
gone and started crying.  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
"Oh no" said Indis  
Feanor rushed back into the room, "What happened?" Fingolfin saw  
him and settled down. "What's wrong, little one?" asked Feanor.  
"Atto" said Fingolfin  
"Feanor"  
"Feanor I would like a word if you please" said Finwe wanting to  
get this over and done with as soon as possible  
"Sure, Attor," said Feanor. "If I can get away from a certain  
someone for a few minutes with out him crying."  
Finwe gave his youngest son a tickle before leaving the room  
with his oldest.  
"What did you want to talk about?  
"I want to know why every time Indis, is in the room, you feel  
you need to leave?" said Finwe  
"I don't feel comfortable around her," said Feanor. "It's like  
she's trying to take my mother's place or something."  
"I don't think she wants to do that" said Finwe "You have a  
mother and she knows that"  
"I just don't like her ok," said Feanor.  
Finwe sighed "alright" he said "But I think it's time you did,  
if you don't want a certain elfling bawling every time you leave the  
room"  
"But he'll do that anyway, he just doesn't want me to leave,"  
said Feanor as Fingolfin started crying again.  
"That is not the point" said Finwe  
"Attor, I can't make myself feel something I don't," said  
Feanor. "I'll be nice to her for your sake and for Fingolfin's but  
don't hold your breath for a miracle."  
Indis came out and handed Fingolfin to Feanor where he settled  
again  
Finwe nodded "alright that is all I ask" he said  
"Can't I leave for a few minutes?" asked Feanor.  
"Doesn't sound like it" said Indis  
"What am I going to do, I can't take him into the work shop!"  
said Feanor. Fingolfin took some of his brothers hair and put it in  
his mouth "No, you don't want to eat that!" said Feanor trying to pull  
his hair free.  
"Atto" said Fingolfin.  
"No-no-no-no-no-no," said Feanor  
"Atto!" said Fingolfin again more seriously  
"Brother!"  
"that's it" said Finwe "I am going to spend more time with him!"  
"About time!" said Feanor and Indis at the same time.  
Finwe blushed, "He then took Fingolfin into his arms "I am Atto" he  
said  
"Feanor"  
"You are Fingolfin" said Finwe now wondering if they had an  
identity crisis to fix as well.  
"Feanor!" said Fingolfin. Feanor started laughing he could help  
it.  
"No that is Feanor" said Finwe pointing to Feanor  
"Atto!"  
"I don't think he knows what he's saying yet," said Feanor.  
"You maybe right" said Finwe 


	4. posted jan 342004

Chapter three: Acceptance

 A few years passed and Fingolfin learned who Atta, Amil and Feanor were. Feanor even got to spend some time in his work shop. One evening Finwe walked up behind Indis and wrapped his arms round her, Fingolfin was finishing his dinner

 "Atta, where did Feanor go?" asked Fingolfin.

"He's probably in his working space" said Finwe

 "Can I go?" said Fingolfin who wasn't big enough yet.

"No" said Finwe "finish your dinner before it gets cold"

 "Yes, Atar," said Fingolfin 

"You can go when you're older ok?" said Finwe seeing his sons look

 "Ok," said Fingolfin

Finwe turned Indis in his arms and give her a kiss before going over to the table and picking Fingolfin up, he sat him on his knee.

"You are a good elfling" he said.

 Fingolfin snuggled into his father's arms, "Did I really used to call Feanor Atta?"

"Yes you did" said Finwe "then again you did spend allot of time with him"

 "He's the best big brother in all of Aman!" said Fingolfin.

Finwe laughed "Yes I think your right"

 Feanor returned from his work shop with a necklace he had made for Indis and a toy for Fingolfin.

"You have been busy" said Finwe

 Feanor handed Fingolfin a wooden puzzle.

"thank you" said Fingolfin

 "Do you like it?" he asked

"Yes" said Fingolfin who then wiggled to be put down so he could play with it

Finwe let him down and he sat happily on the floor doing his puzzle.  Feanor handed Indis a beautiful, delicate necklace of gold and emeralds. "It's my first attempt at jewelry." he admitted.

"It looks well done to me" said Indis smiling at him "thank you"

 Feanor blushed. Fingolfin looked at his older brother and laughed.  Feanor tickled his little brother

Finwe whispered something in Feanor's ear then going over to Indis he said "Hiril nin how would you like some time alone together?"

 "I would love some time alone together," she said.

Finwe picked her up and carried her out of the room

 "Do you want to go for a walk?" asked Feanor.

"Ok...where has Atta taken Amil?" asked Fingolfin curiously

 "I don't know," said Feanor.

Fingolfin went with his brother for a walk  Meanwhile Aule and Tulkas were talking about Melkor, It would soon be time for him to given a new trial.

"Any ideas?" asked Aule

 "If it were up to me, I'd say leave him there until the end!" said Tulkas

"I agree" said Aule

 "Good evening, Lord Aule, Lord Tulkas," said Feanor.

"Good evening to you" Aule replied

 "I'm taking my little brother on a walk, Atar and Indis wanted some 'time alone'" said Feanor.

Aule looks at Tulkas "Really?" he asks

 "Yes," said Feanor. "I'd say more, but..." he pointed to his younger brother.

"We get the picture" said Aule "Only has he stopped calling you Atta yet?"

 "Yes he has," said Feanor.

 "He seems quiet attached to you still," said Tulkas.

Fingolfin looked up at the two Valar. Feanor introduced them to Fingolfin.

"Mae Govanan" said Fingolfin shyly

 Feanor picked his brother up and cuddled him. Finwe had taken Indis to their room and made love to her. After awhile Finwe and Indis came outside

"Oh there you two are" said Indis smiling

 "I took Fingolfin out for a walk, I hope you don't mind," said Feanor.

"He looks happy, of course we don't mind he is your brother" said Finwe

 "Excuse me, Lord Aule, but who is Melkor?" asked Feanor.

"You don't want to know" said Aule

 "That bad?" asked Feanor.

 "If he gets out of Mandos, which I suspect he won't," said Tulkas. "Heed my advice, stay away from him."

"Will do" said Feanor

 A year later Indis was in labor again. This time Feanor had a father to calm and a brother to watch

Finwe again was pacing the floor

 "Atar sit down! She'll be fine," said Feanor.

"Poor Amil" said Fingolfin

 "She'll be fine, trust me," said Feanor

"How do you know?" asked Fingolfin

 "This is what she went through when you were born and she came though it ok," said Feanor.

"She's sore" said Fingolfin

 "So would you if you tried to push something the size of a water melon though a hole the size of a small coin," said Feanor.

Fingolfin was not sure how to react to that and looked at Finwe

 "Well that's how I head she- elves describe it," said Feanor.

Finwe smiled "Yes she did" he said. Finwe picked Fingolfin up and rubbed his back "she will be ok" he said

 A healer came out, "You have a son," she said.

"Now you are a big brother" Finwe told Fingolfin

 "I want to be a big brother like Feanor!" said Fingolfin. Feanor just blushed.

"You will be I am sure" said Finwe

 "So what are you going to name this fuss budget?" asked Feanor.

"Will you stop calling them that" said Finwe "and I think Finarfin"

 "I haven't called Fingolfin that since he was born," said Feanor.

 "I know" said Finwe handing Fingolfin over to Feanor, he went in to see his newborn son and Indis

 Feanor carried his brother in to see Indis and the baby. Fingolfin looked at his little brother eagerly. Indis smiled when they came in.  Finwe was holding his youngest son.

 "So Atta, there will be no confusion of who's the father and none of him calling me Atta right?" asked Feanor

"I hope not" said Finwe

"I don't think we will have that problem again" said Indis "although it was quite sweet seeing him call you Atta"

 "May I hold him for a little while?" asked Feanor. Finwe gently hands the infant to Feanor.  Finarfin settled down as Feanor sang the same elvish lullaby he once sang for Fingolfin.

"How do you do that?" asked Indis laughing

 "It's a gift," said Feanor.

 That night there was a storm, Fingolfin woke frightened and ran into his brother's room. Feanor woke to find someone in his bed. "What are you doing here little one."

"I am scared" said Fingolfin. Finarfin also awoke with the noise.  Feanor cuddled his brother. Finwe got up and lifted Finarfin out of his cradle

 "Feel safe now?" he asked

"Yes" said Fingolfin

Finwe rocked Finarfin in his arms not wanting to wake Indis

 "Do you want to stay here tonight?" asked Feanor.

"Yes please" said Fingolfin

"I don't think the new baby likes the noise either" he said

 "Shall we check on him?" asked Feanor.

"Yeah" said Fingolfin

 They went to the nursery to find Finwe singing to Finarfin.

"Atta sings well" said Fingolfin

 "Yes, he does," said Feanor.

Finarfin was happily listening to his father singing and was waving his little hands about

 "He used to sing for me when I was little," said Feanor.

"Really?" asked Fingolfin. "You were little?" 

"Yes really," said Feanor.

Fingolfin looked surprised to hear Feanor had once been little

 "Now that we know Finarfin is ok, do you want to go back to bed?" asked Feanor.

"Yes" said Fingolfin yawning

 Feanor carried Fingolfin back to his room and tucked him into bed.

 "You can stay with me tonight," said Feanor.

Finarfin was soon fast asleep in his father's arms

 Finwe went to check on his other sons. He found Fingolfin cuddled up in his bother's arms and both were asleep.

(a/n Sorry on the long delay. 

Sheikana don't worry I won't kill Feanor


End file.
